literature

delusion

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kamesen's avatar
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Literature Text

You got back at midnight, right?

Yes.  Midnight is when I got back.

I'd set my watch back if I could remember whether or not today was daylight savings time.  It's dark and cold, so I don't really care.  Just want to get inside.  As I take the corner and reach out to grasp the doorhandle, I catch a glimpse of the cute girl that works at the front desk.  She looks down just as I open the door, as if she was waiting for me.  As if her whole damn life revolves around me.  The door closes behind me, returning the small lobby to silence, shutting it off from the outside world again.  I tip my hat to the cute girl at the desk, smiling.  But I do it with my right hand, specifically, to subtly flash my wedding ring.  She notices, of course, and blushes to herself as she smiles, casting her eyes down.  Good girl.  Right?  But it's not really true, is it?  My steps grow a bit heavier as I make my way to the apartment stairs.  I'd found the ring in a gutter two and a half months ago.  Shined it up real nice, and wore it as my own.  Helps me sleep at night.  But it's all just a lie to fool everyone, myself included.  And there is no apron-wearing, hair-tied-back-in-a-bun, dinner-serving housewife named Wendy waiting to greet me with a smile when I walk through the door of room 312.  No, just a 300 pound shaved gorilla of a man named 'Mac' whose head almost touches the ceiling as he rushes me.  I can only grin in anticipation, throwing myself aside to avoid the attack.  My assailant slams into the wall, nearly tearing the door frame out from its foundation and splitting the whole building in half.  What did I do to deserve this?  He rushes me again, and I prepare to defend myself.  But I'm sluggish, only half in the fight.  My mind is still on that cute girl behind the front desk.  Damn it.  I'm staring at the ceiling all of a sudden, and there's a pain in my gut.  Ol' Mac is standing over me, staring at me as if he's got nothing better to do or no place else to go.  That girl he's always with is there too, and she bends over to take a gander at me.  "That'll learn ya," she mutters.  I guess she's pretty smart.  Pretty.  Smart.  Deadly combination.  I knew this would happen.

But no matter how it happens, you always wish it'd happened differently.

It'll never be good enough.

Something'll always go wrong...  Things will never be perfect.  Why can't I just accept that?

Oh well.

Too late now.



Oh...almost forgot....I gotta write that letter back to Sheryl.

Heh...good ol' Sheryl.  What a pal.

getting dark again...maybe I'll write it in the mornin'....although I know she hates waitin to hear back...........



...jeez.....should I tell the gals to wait up for me at Just Jokin'...?  just want one last shot with 'em.........Laura, Jess..never a dull night there....what a place to unwind...




I'll buy those bedsheets next time I get a chance; swear it.  Candace'll just laugh at me, even though she never liked 'em.....she'll scold me but she'll laugh...she always laughed with me.



....damn....wonder if Monica would still be willin' to spill those secrets about how she got the coloring to work so well in her art...she could always make sense of the world...and she made a helluva cup a' jo...



........wonder if Melissa and her new boyfriend are still doin alright.....

...wonder if Elizabeth is back from her trip........



..................wonder what Amanda's up to these days...heh...Amanda and Amanda...and all the gals....angels, every last one.







........................i'm pathetic........................






Chris...Brett...we'll get the boys together and catch that movie tomorrow..................then I'll go see Brian too...........





what's he been up to these days...........
...
© 2005 - 2024 kamesen
Comments7
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Im-an-Ahole's avatar
What in the hell was that? Your affection for women turns into a "300 pound shaved gorilla"?

Just ask one of em out, get over it, you don't even know why you're doing this anymore. Does God have to send an angel down from heaven to tell you the exact name and physical description of the girl you're going to be with? Is that the "sign" that you're waiting on? It's never gonna happen! You can stay chaste while "playing the field", just tie d a rubber band around it or something.

I also take personal offense to how highly you speak of women. Then, when you get to me and Brett, it's "We'll go see a movie"? Blasphemy! Men should be hailed as mortal lords over women. Don't just take my word for it; look to the old teachings of Takuan Soho, or any number of his teachers. There are only 4 good types of women. The dedicated wife, the caring mother, the concerned sister, and the obediant daughter. Since they all seem content to venture outside of these simple yet holy descriptions, none of them can be considered good. Oh, and ESPECIALLY this one:

"....damn....wonder if Monica would still be willin' to spill those secrets about how she got the coloring to work so well in her art...she could always make sense of the world...and she made a helluva cup a' jo...".

What in the hell do you mean she could always make sense of the world? What world are you speaking of? The imaginary one in her fucked up head? Where 9th grader boyfriends work for secret government agencies with a stupid acronym for a title? Or the one where she births a child WITHOUT KNOWING IT and the guy and daughter move in next door to her? Oh oh, and how about the magical world where she's not a dirty whore? All of those are fake worlds, cause there is no "HACKS", she has no child, and she IS a dirty whore.

Fine, she can draw well. I said one nice thing about her, and that's the only thing I can say with a strait face.