our demise

Without warning I am confronted with the acute memory of the day that I destroyed you.
when I held the rose, essence of your life and soul, in my burning bare hand
could hear its glass petals ring faintly in agony at my curled, callous fist
your tears gathering in the wells of eternity, preparing their journey
the pain of your misery, whispers in my ears, pleading, and I heard them, yet

for no reason other than by the decree of chaos, I clenched my fist and crushed you.
drained immediately of strength, you screamed in silence and burst under my cold strength
the cuts that bit into me were nothing beside the driving, wretched, horrifying agony that ripped you
my unblinking eyes watched quietly the shards of translucent red, spinning pitifully to the earth
in one shard my face smiled warmly
in another it wept
in another it was cold and dead
and in one it grinned wickedly
while my own face remained blank
my eyes reflecting the opposite sides of each shard
where nymphs played and danced, oblivious to the winded, dying shriek

blood coursed along my hand as the rose shards of your soul cracked and burst upon frozen ground
my eyes remained forward until the stem was coated in my blood
and then, only then, after you had become as cold as the dead and barren earth
a pain icier than the wastes of endless hell shot through my bleeding arm, into my heart
I gasped outwardly, my eyes widening in realization and terror
oh the terror, the reality of this horror, my eyes unable to hide from it
its image burned onto my soul
as I beheld up above, while falling breathlessly to my knees, a perfect mirror
and my own vile, putrid visage was cast into my waiting sight
each festering sin devouring the dim light cast by every past virtue

blackness leapt up from the ground and took me, as if it had been waiting since my birth for this moment
feeling the life drain from me, I clawed helplessly at your shards
my fingernails cracked upon the earth and bled
my flesh tore as the frozen, tarnished fragments of your rose cut into me
still I tried, so very vainly as I bled to death, to retrieve you
restore you
lift you into the fading light
but only dust and shadows clung to my gnarled fingers

weeping dry tears, I scraped and dug at your memory
but you were no more
you had already risen, long ago
leaving me to my world of thorns and dirt
the hard ground becoming muddy under the last remnants of warmth trickling from my cracked lips
dust stinging my lungs
crusted eyes seeking the rose
while the nymphs danced about me, caressing my gaunt, unfeeling cheeks

death is my only companion here
this is my tomb, and it shall not be more than that, despite my ceaseless wandering
for I am following my own cursed footfalls, chasing the guide who is my self
lost forever in this horrid place

i have forgotten your warmth
is the faint, wavering sun in the distance that i chase
nothing more than a memory?